More Letting Go

More Letting Go
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

I had another wonderful appointment with David (the acupuncturist) today, thanks to his generousity and that of John and Marina. They have offered to help me get healthy and are willing to help me financially so that I can get treatment that I need. I'm really grateful and feel confident that I will feel better every day.

As I lay on the table, my mind kept wandering, I kept gently redirecting it to the present moment, to the awareness of my body, focusing on healing. This led me to think about the first time I got acupuncture and meeting John. This led to when he first used the 3rd eye point and my emotionally violent response. I sobbed for quite awhile. I cried every time he did that point for awhile. That was almost four years ago. Which led me to think about what my life was like then. I had been dating James for a couple months and was thrilled to be doing so. Then I thought about why I have had such a hard time letting go of that relationship. Suddenly I was remembering our first date at Clicks, our second date at Vaudeville and Gentle Bens...Some of my happiest memories are with him. Some of my saddest too. I felt like we were so close to overcoming those deep seated walls we each had up. But we never quite got there. Everything else was really great, but I got to a point where I realized I needed a spiritual connection in a relationship. He tried, he even sat outside in the middle of the night meditating with me and a certain portion of the world. But he didn't want spirituality and that is a choice that some people make. I don't think it is a bad choice, I think people do whatever they think is best for them or whatever is most comfortable. I'm grateful for the relationship I had with him and I wish him all the happiness he seeks. He never believed me but I still believe he deserves to be happy.

I cried while I was thinking about all this and by the time David came back in the room to remove the needles, there were puddles in my ears. I told him I had an emotional response to treatment and he said that it's not uncommon. He said "we hold on to a lot of things that we don't need to" and it's good to let go of emotional baggage. I asked if it was from the 3rd eye point and he said it was probably from the pericardium (heart) points. I didn't know thats what the needles in my wrists were for. Usually there isn't bleeding with acupuncture (at least with me) but both my wrist were bleeding and he had to use a cotton ball to clean it up. He showed me the cotton ball, the blood was dark, dirty looking. He said the same thing and said that meant I was letting go of stagnation in my heart.

I'm ready to let go of the past.

I'm thankful for progress. :-)