Unmindful Speech
"Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain uttering words that cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small."
-Thich Nhat Hanh
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
5 things happy people do
I get articles from Oprah's site emailed to me and this is one that I felt was very worthy of sharing:
http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/omag_200803_happy/1
Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them.
1. They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.
"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
2. They design their lives to bring in joy.
It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."
Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.
Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.
3. They avoid "if only" fantasies.
If only I get a better job…find a man…lose the weight…life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.
The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.
The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).
4. They put best friends first.
It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.
5. They allow themselves to be happy.
As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.
"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.
http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/omag_200803_happy/1
Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them.
1. They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.
"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
2. They design their lives to bring in joy.
It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."
Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.
Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.
3. They avoid "if only" fantasies.
If only I get a better job…find a man…lose the weight…life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.
The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.
The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).
4. They put best friends first.
It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.
5. They allow themselves to be happy.
As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.
"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.
More Letting Go
More Letting Go
Current mood:
tired
Category: Life
I had another wonderful appointment with David (the acupuncturist) today, thanks to his generousity and that of John and Marina. They have offered to help me get healthy and are willing to help me financially so that I can get treatment that I need. I'm really grateful and feel confident that I will feel better every day.Current mood:
tired Category: Life
As I lay on the table, my mind kept wandering, I kept gently redirecting it to the present moment, to the awareness of my body, focusing on healing. This led me to think about the first time I got acupuncture and meeting John. This led to when he first used the 3rd eye point and my emotionally violent response. I sobbed for quite awhile. I cried every time he did that point for awhile. That was almost four years ago. Which led me to think about what my life was like then. I had been dating James for a couple months and was thrilled to be doing so. Then I thought about why I have had such a hard time letting go of that relationship. Suddenly I was remembering our first date at Clicks, our second date at Vaudeville and Gentle Bens...Some of my happiest memories are with him. Some of my saddest too. I felt like we were so close to overcoming those deep seated walls we each had up. But we never quite got there. Everything else was really great, but I got to a point where I realized I needed a spiritual connection in a relationship. He tried, he even sat outside in the middle of the night meditating with me and a certain portion of the world. But he didn't want spirituality and that is a choice that some people make. I don't think it is a bad choice, I think people do whatever they think is best for them or whatever is most comfortable. I'm grateful for the relationship I had with him and I wish him all the happiness he seeks. He never believed me but I still believe he deserves to be happy.
I cried while I was thinking about all this and by the time David came back in the room to remove the needles, there were puddles in my ears. I told him I had an emotional response to treatment and he said that it's not uncommon. He said "we hold on to a lot of things that we don't need to" and it's good to let go of emotional baggage. I asked if it was from the 3rd eye point and he said it was probably from the pericardium (heart) points. I didn't know thats what the needles in my wrists were for. Usually there isn't bleeding with acupuncture (at least with me) but both my wrist were bleeding and he had to use a cotton ball to clean it up. He showed me the cotton ball, the blood was dark, dirty looking. He said the same thing and said that meant I was letting go of stagnation in my heart.
I'm ready to let go of the past.
I'm thankful for progress. :-)
Monday, January 19, 2009
Possibilities - Thinking in Action
This is a questionnaire by Dr. Joyce Kimble that my chiropractor/boss introduced me to in 1995 and I have used it periodically over the years to help clarify what changes I want to make in my life and to encourage me to make those changes. I encourage anyone who wants to bring about personal change to fill it out honestly and completely and see what happens :-)
1. I want to weigh: 85 pounds less
2. I want to develop the habit of: healthier eating
3. I want to break the habit of: smoking
4. I want to develop the personality habit of: thinking before I speak, especially when my buttons are being pushed
5. I want the following kind of home: harmonious, peaceful, clean, filled with love and laughter
6. I want to make the following improvements in my present home: have clear floor space, unpack and find a place for everything or get rid of it
7. On my next vacation I want to: Scuba Dive
8. I want to communicate with my family in the following ways: kindly, honestly
9. I want to communicate with my coworkers in the following ways: kindly, honestly
10. I want the position of: mediator
11. I want the following kind of office: functional, peaceful, aesthetically pleasing
12. I want to receive the honor of: Nobel Peace Prize
13. I want to have: Marina as a closer friend
14. I want to strengthen my professional skills of: Patience, listening, customer service
15. I want to develop my talent of: Public Speaking
16. I want to solve a particular situation (problem) I have now by: practicing moving meditation
17. I want to eliminate stresses or pressures I now have by: exercising, singing, dancing, laughing
18. I want to make the following specific improvements in my physical condition: healthier lungs, healthier body/weight
19. I want to start the following physical activity: Walking, skipping, dive-rolling
20. I want to acquire the following financial habit: saving money
21. I want to pay on the debts of: tickets from car accident
22. I want to have additional education in: psychology, sociology, anthropology, Spanish & Sign Language
23. I want to do the following for my community: attend and participate in FCAA meetings24. I want to communicate the image of: A strong, Kind, Powerful healer who communicates clearly
25. I want to save: $25 from each paycheck
26. I want to be and do the following in order to influence others in a more positive way: Meet my mentor requirements
27. I want to build up each member of my family by: appreciating them exactly as they are
28. I want to do the following activities with my family: play board/card games
29. I want to develop the spiritual qualities of: peace, serenity, awareness
30. I want to meet the spiritual goals of: practicing meditation daily for 1 year, healing my spirit and body31. Other things I want to happen to me in 6 months: be 30 pounds lighter, be a non-smoker
1. I want to weigh: 85 pounds less
2. I want to develop the habit of: healthier eating
3. I want to break the habit of: smoking
4. I want to develop the personality habit of: thinking before I speak, especially when my buttons are being pushed
5. I want the following kind of home: harmonious, peaceful, clean, filled with love and laughter
6. I want to make the following improvements in my present home: have clear floor space, unpack and find a place for everything or get rid of it
7. On my next vacation I want to: Scuba Dive
8. I want to communicate with my family in the following ways: kindly, honestly
9. I want to communicate with my coworkers in the following ways: kindly, honestly
10. I want the position of: mediator
11. I want the following kind of office: functional, peaceful, aesthetically pleasing
12. I want to receive the honor of: Nobel Peace Prize
13. I want to have: Marina as a closer friend
14. I want to strengthen my professional skills of: Patience, listening, customer service
15. I want to develop my talent of: Public Speaking
16. I want to solve a particular situation (problem) I have now by: practicing moving meditation
17. I want to eliminate stresses or pressures I now have by: exercising, singing, dancing, laughing
18. I want to make the following specific improvements in my physical condition: healthier lungs, healthier body/weight
19. I want to start the following physical activity: Walking, skipping, dive-rolling
20. I want to acquire the following financial habit: saving money
21. I want to pay on the debts of: tickets from car accident
22. I want to have additional education in: psychology, sociology, anthropology, Spanish & Sign Language
23. I want to do the following for my community: attend and participate in FCAA meetings24. I want to communicate the image of: A strong, Kind, Powerful healer who communicates clearly
25. I want to save: $25 from each paycheck
26. I want to be and do the following in order to influence others in a more positive way: Meet my mentor requirements
27. I want to build up each member of my family by: appreciating them exactly as they are
28. I want to do the following activities with my family: play board/card games
29. I want to develop the spiritual qualities of: peace, serenity, awareness
30. I want to meet the spiritual goals of: practicing meditation daily for 1 year, healing my spirit and body31. Other things I want to happen to me in 6 months: be 30 pounds lighter, be a non-smoker
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Co-incidence
I don't remember where I found this :-(
"A coincidence is an incident that happens with another incident. It can happen at the same time at the same place, same time but different place or same place but different time. It can even happen at a different time and different place but is related to the first event in some special way. Coincidences are incidents that correlate with each other across time and space. They are events in synchronization with a higher cause. That is why coincidences are synchronicities.
Everything that happens in the universe starts with intention. Events that happen separately and which do not directly cause each other are acausal events. But acausal events have a common cause which is intent. Intent is what creates and synchronizes those separate events to fulfill a common purpose that they are a part of. When you make a choice through intention, the universe takes care of the details necessary to fulfill the intention through synchronicities.
The Whole Universe Functions By Synchronicity
Every moment of our life operates in synchronicity. The only reason we do not experience synchronicity is that we are not in the state of awareness to notice it happening. Everything that is happening in every moment is happening together with everything else that is a part of fulfilling the intentions by which they were created from.
Everything in the universe exists as undefined energy until an observer focuses on it. "
"A coincidence is an incident that happens with another incident. It can happen at the same time at the same place, same time but different place or same place but different time. It can even happen at a different time and different place but is related to the first event in some special way. Coincidences are incidents that correlate with each other across time and space. They are events in synchronization with a higher cause. That is why coincidences are synchronicities.
Everything that happens in the universe starts with intention. Events that happen separately and which do not directly cause each other are acausal events. But acausal events have a common cause which is intent. Intent is what creates and synchronizes those separate events to fulfill a common purpose that they are a part of. When you make a choice through intention, the universe takes care of the details necessary to fulfill the intention through synchronicities.
The Whole Universe Functions By Synchronicity
Every moment of our life operates in synchronicity. The only reason we do not experience synchronicity is that we are not in the state of awareness to notice it happening. Everything that is happening in every moment is happening together with everything else that is a part of fulfilling the intentions by which they were created from.
Everything in the universe exists as undefined energy until an observer focuses on it. "
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