Foster Care Scammer (Part One)

Recently I discovered a Face Book page called "Foster Care Kids Need Love Too" (FCKNLT) supposedly dedicated to improving the lives of children in Foster Care. The description they posted covers just about everything:

"Foster Care Kids Need love Too® provides community education, public policy/advocacy and direct services for children and youth who have been removed from the care of their parents to the supervision of the state. The organization recruits and sustains volunteers who serve in public and private agencies or work on projects designed to enhance the lives of foster, homeless, transitional and incarcerated children and youth."

As someone who once was one of those children, I'm a firm believer that they need all the help they can get. As I read through the articles and posts I came across this:  

"We make sure to provide them with the best quality of education for their mental growth; we provide the best food to our children to give them a healthy lifestyle; we provide them with the best medical facilities; and all this very rightly so, they are our children after all who will take the mantel of running this nation tomorrow, all this is their right and all of this will be provided by any parent worth their salt."

I'm not even a parent and this pissed me off. I absolutely agree that children are our most precious resource and they deserve all of this. However, in a country where so many are struggling financially (where the long term unemployment rate was essentially unchanged at 4.1 million in November 2013) and that has turned healthcare into a for-profit business I think this is an inaccurate generalization. 

But it gets worse.. Their attempt to guilt people into donating: 

"Think for a moment that just because they did not have a person in their life to guide them, these young minds which could have been put to great use of the civilization have gone rotten at the cruel hands of the unforgiving society."

By any accepted definition of the word it is offensive.
rot·ten

 [rot-n]  Show IPA

adjective, rot·ten·er, rot·ten·est.

1. decomposing or decaying; putrid; tainted, foul, or bad-smelling.

2. corrupt or morally offensive.

3. wretchedly bad, unpleasant, or unsatisfactory; miserable: a rotten piece of work; a rotten day at the office.

4. contemptible; despicable: a rotten little liar; a rotten trick.

5. (of soil, rocks, etc.) soft, yielding, or friable as the result of decomposition.

 My mind has not "gone rotten" as a result of my experiences and to perpetuate this idea is not only hurtful to those of us who have survived but potentially damaging to the kids still going through foster care without anyone to guide them.  The closer I looked the more circumspect this site was. I looked through their many "articles" on facebook as well as on their webpage and they all appeared to be copied and pasted from other legitimate articles, without any credit to the author.

I'm a member of several FB groups for "Former Fosters" or "Alumni" (as we call ourselves) and I posted in there to find out if anyone actually knew the organization or the person behind it.  No one had ever met him or could list a single thing he/the organization has EVER done for foster kids.  So I dug a little deeper. The address is in Tallahassee, FL but it is a residential apartment building. On their Twitter page  they state they are a non profit organization, but there is no listing of them under exempt organizations with the IRS or the even the Florida Corporation Commission.  I was just looking under the organizations name and his personal name but just to be sure I asked for more info and got this reply:

"We do have a tax exempt EIN number our number is 46-2257215 thank you and god bless. Also you can call the IRS for any information you have 'Drawing Success'"

However, this number isn't listed with the IRS or FCC either. Here are the pages I have found so far by Adam Purnell, who listed himself as the Founder of FCKNLT:

https://www.facebook.com/KontentOfKharacter

https://www.facebook.com/fostercarekidsneedlovetoo

https://www.facebook.com/fostercarekids.../friends

https://www.facebook.com/purnell.titan?fref=pb...

Foster Care Kids Need Love Too

Then someone posted that another Alumni DID know Adam so I contacted the 3rd party directly and had quite the interesting conversation...

Ghosts of Christmas Past...

By the time I was 11 so much hatred had boiled up inside of me because of the abuse and neglect, that my mother and I fought constantly. During one such fight, she was hanging up the Christmas lights on the house and bitching about how if my father hadn’t left us then she wouldn’t have to be doing this. “It was his job after all!” to take care of his wife and kids, etc, etc. It had rained recently and was going to rain again so I think this contributed to her need to rush. So, me arguing with and yelling at her while she was on a ten-foot ladder probably wasn’t helpful. After a particularly heated exchange I went back inside and slammed the door. I heard something a few minutes later that caused me to go outside but I don’t remember or have blocked out what the noise was. Maybe a scream, a crack or just the ladder falling over…

The winters where I grew up were damp and it was cold that night. When combined with what I saw in front of me as I swung the heavy front door open, it  felt like being dunked in a bucket of ice water. My mother was lying on the sidewalk leading up to our front porch,, the ladder toppled over in the wet garden bed and the Christmas lights dangling unfinished. She was conscious but not moving, she told me to go get our neighbor Helen, a very sweet woman who lived next door. Helen called 911 from our kitchen phone. I think I was the one who called my brother; he was out with my sister and one of our cousins and they all came over.

The ambulance and fire-truck lights soon filled the empty space of the dark night sky as the neighbors started appearing, gathering around our house and it seemed like our yard was full of people. The paramedics were asking my mom questions as I stood silently with my siblings. I can still hear her feisty answers: “Ma’am, how old are you?” “Too damn old!” “How much do you weigh?” “Too damn much!”

I was told to ride in the ambulance because my brothers car was full, but I wanted to get a book first because I figured we would be at the hospital a while and reading was the only “coping” skill I had. I ran to my room and stood in front of my pink and purple bookshelf unable to decide which book, since someone had said “just ONE!”. I don’t know how long it was before someone came in my room - and told me the ambulance was waiting on me. It was an awkward ride to the hospital, sitting in the front seat in silence.

The paramedic who was driving turned on the overhead light for me so I could read on the drive.  I mumbled a "thank you" and stared into my blurry book the rest of the way as my tears overflowed onto the page.  I wasn’t at the hospital for that long, I spent the night with my brother & his wife and they drove me to school the next morning. My mother was in the hospital for 3 days, she had fallen about 10 feet, landing on her head first, and when she came home she was different. Her vision was damaged temporarily, she lost some long-term memory and became an evangelical Christian…

A return to writing...

I've had a lot to write about lately, but have been held back for a variety of reasons. I'm hoping that blogging will help me move beyond my inner critic/perfectionist. Aaaaand, away we go!

Well, I'm still here. Still breathing, though not so much with the kicking....My recovery from four herniated discs in my lower back is not progressing as well as I had hoped. The spinal specialists said I needed to have 3 of them replaced with artificial discs and eventually the fourth herniated one as well. I've had so many surgeries at this point that I really want to avoid another if possible. It is seeming less likely that I will be able to function without some kind of further intervention.

I was in constant jaw pain for decades prior to this and the addition of back pain is really wearing me down. Lack of insurance (and therefore lack of Dr's visits) certainly hasn't helped. Thankfully,  I do qualify for health care on the reservation from Indian Health, unfortunately it is a 45 minute drive and I don't have a car, so that poses a challenge.  The buses don't even go there. A friend (SM) has generously agreed to take vacation time from work (since they only offer appointments during  the work-week) to drive me out there on December 6th. Eleven days to go until I can at least get back on prescriptions to help.

On the bright side, I have been in my own place since March. My only roommates are the furry kind - my cat Glitch and my dog Charly. Although, considering they don't perform housework or prepare their own food, they are closer to kids than roommates, I suppose. At least, most roommates that I've had.

I've had a tremendous amount of help from  friends during my recovery. I was already injured when I moved into this place so I wasn't really able to contribute. Accepting help is getting easier, but asking for help is still quite a challenge and not something I enjoy. SM also came over yesterday with food and Dr Pepper, even walked Charly for  me. She's so sweet and so willing to help and yet I cringed when I asked her to hang my shower rod again since it collapsed on me during my last shower. In my physical condition, I couldn't have put it back up. The amount of things that I can't do at this point is a long one and It gets discouraging. The Dr's said I am not suppose to lift more than 5 pounds. As a frame of reference,  a gallon of milk weighs 8.6 pounds. So, I live alone and have a unopened gallon of milk, (the main ingredient in my mostly liquid diet due to the jaw issues) what am I to do? Adapt. I use my rollie office chair to navigate the kitchen and move heavy (5 pounds or more means heavy in this case) items onto my lap and roll. Which is still painful and more than is medically advised, but I haven't managed to teach Charly how to retrieve food. She can find it and eat it with extraordinary skill, though! Recently she used my rollie chair to reach the butter dish on the counter when I was out, and proceeded to eat the whole thing...She is smart, persistent and loves butter...just like me.

The closest I'm getting to a New Years Resolution...

Unmindful Speech

"Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain uttering words that cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small."

-Thich Nhat Hanh

5 things happy people do

I get articles from Oprah's site emailed to me and this is one that I felt was very worthy of sharing:

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/omag_200803_happy/1

Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them.

1. They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.

"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

2. They design their lives to bring in joy.
It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."

Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.

Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.

3. They avoid "if only" fantasies.
If only I get a better job…find a man…lose the weight…life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.

The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.

The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).

4. They put best friends first.
It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.

5. They allow themselves to be happy.
As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.

"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.

More Letting Go

More Letting Go
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

I had another wonderful appointment with David (the acupuncturist) today, thanks to his generousity and that of John and Marina. They have offered to help me get healthy and are willing to help me financially so that I can get treatment that I need. I'm really grateful and feel confident that I will feel better every day.

As I lay on the table, my mind kept wandering, I kept gently redirecting it to the present moment, to the awareness of my body, focusing on healing. This led me to think about the first time I got acupuncture and meeting John. This led to when he first used the 3rd eye point and my emotionally violent response. I sobbed for quite awhile. I cried every time he did that point for awhile. That was almost four years ago. Which led me to think about what my life was like then. I had been dating James for a couple months and was thrilled to be doing so. Then I thought about why I have had such a hard time letting go of that relationship. Suddenly I was remembering our first date at Clicks, our second date at Vaudeville and Gentle Bens...Some of my happiest memories are with him. Some of my saddest too. I felt like we were so close to overcoming those deep seated walls we each had up. But we never quite got there. Everything else was really great, but I got to a point where I realized I needed a spiritual connection in a relationship. He tried, he even sat outside in the middle of the night meditating with me and a certain portion of the world. But he didn't want spirituality and that is a choice that some people make. I don't think it is a bad choice, I think people do whatever they think is best for them or whatever is most comfortable. I'm grateful for the relationship I had with him and I wish him all the happiness he seeks. He never believed me but I still believe he deserves to be happy.

I cried while I was thinking about all this and by the time David came back in the room to remove the needles, there were puddles in my ears. I told him I had an emotional response to treatment and he said that it's not uncommon. He said "we hold on to a lot of things that we don't need to" and it's good to let go of emotional baggage. I asked if it was from the 3rd eye point and he said it was probably from the pericardium (heart) points. I didn't know thats what the needles in my wrists were for. Usually there isn't bleeding with acupuncture (at least with me) but both my wrist were bleeding and he had to use a cotton ball to clean it up. He showed me the cotton ball, the blood was dark, dirty looking. He said the same thing and said that meant I was letting go of stagnation in my heart.

I'm ready to let go of the past.

I'm thankful for progress. :-)

Possibilities - Thinking in Action

This is a questionnaire by Dr. Joyce Kimble that my chiropractor/boss introduced me to in 1995 and I have used it periodically over the years to help clarify what changes I want to make in my life and to encourage me to make those changes. I encourage anyone who wants to bring about personal change to  fill it out honestly and completely and see what happens :-)

1. I want to weigh: 85 pounds less
2. I want to develop the habit of: healthier eating
3. I want to break the habit of: smoking
4. I want to develop the personality habit of: thinking before I speak, especially when my buttons are being pushed
5. I want the following kind of home: harmonious, peaceful, clean, filled with love and laughter
6. I want to make the following improvements in my present home: have clear floor space, unpack and find a place for everything or get rid of it
7. On my next vacation I want to: Scuba Dive
8. I want to communicate with my family in the following ways: kindly, honestly
9. I want to communicate with my coworkers in the following ways: kindly, honestly
10. I want the position of: mediator
11. I want the following kind of office: functional, peaceful, aesthetically pleasing
12. I want to receive the honor of: Nobel Peace Prize
13. I want to have: Marina as a closer friend
14. I want to strengthen my professional skills of: Patience, listening, customer service
15. I want to develop my talent of: Public Speaking
16. I want to solve a particular situation (problem) I have now by: practicing moving meditation
17. I want to eliminate stresses or pressures I now have by: exercising, singing, dancing, laughing
18. I want to make the following specific improvements in my physical condition: healthier lungs, healthier body/weight
19. I want to start the following physical activity: Walking, skipping, dive-rolling
20. I want to acquire the following financial habit: saving money
21. I want to pay on the debts of: tickets from car accident
22. I want to have additional education in: psychology, sociology, anthropology, Spanish & Sign Language
23. I want to do the following for my community: attend and participate in FCAA meetings24. I want to communicate the image of: A strong, Kind, Powerful healer who communicates clearly
25. I want to save: $25 from each paycheck
26. I want to be and do the following in order to influence others in a more positive way: Meet my mentor requirements
27. I want to build up each member of my family by: appreciating them exactly as they are
28. I want to do the following activities with my family: play board/card games
29. I want to develop the spiritual qualities of: peace, serenity, awareness
30. I want to meet the spiritual goals of: practicing meditation daily for 1 year, healing my spirit and body31. Other things I want to happen to me in 6 months: be 30 pounds lighter, be a non-smoker